Today’s Bible reading

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”—1 Kings 19:11-13

More thoughts for meditation

During Lent we will be learning from great practitioners and teachers of Christian contemplative practice. Their shared wisdom and encouragement will inspire our own practice. Our words for Lent are “We need to feel it.” — our hunger, our lack, our sin, yes, but also the love that casts out fear, the presence of eternity in our here and now and the forgiveness that transforms our lives and the whole world. Contemplative prayer is a powerful way to practice feeling it.

Martin Laird’s A Sunlit Absence is a companion book to Into The Silent Land (Pastors’ Goodreads review here and Daily Prayer entries on that text here). He is one of our aforementioned “great practitioner of Christian contemplation.”

Contemplation in depression or anxiety: “Josh’s depression set in over a period of several years. When he first returned to the practice of contemplation, he had no awareness of the role that thoughts and clusters of thoughts played in maintaining the depression. Growth in awareness of these thoughts was precisely one of the fruits of that single experience of the Jesus Prayer as a living presence streaming within him.

Saint Hesychios likens the practice of awareness and interior stillness to a spider on its web. ‘If you wish to engage in spiritual warfare, let that little animal, the spider, always be your example for stillness of heart; otherwise you will not be as still in your intellect as you should be. If during your struggle you are as still in your soul as is the spider, you will be blessed by the Holy Spirit.’ This spider is most aware when it is most still. As soon as anything lands in its web, the spider suddenly springs into action in order to wrap the insect in silk. And so with our thoughts, the more we are sill, the more we are alter and aware. This awareness is precisely what Josh is drawn into.

He could now see how certain thoughts would cluster together: the feeling that he did not matter to anyone caused him to withdraw, which caused him in turn to feel isolated. Feeling isolated, he lost interest in life. A depressed mood moved in on the heels of this train of thought and became a permanent resident. However, walking by torchlight, dwelling in this circle of light of awareness, Josh eventually became able to observe thoughts as they rise and fall. Instead of getting caught up in reactive commentary on the facts that depression is present, he can look right into the depression and say ‘Oh, look, I’m blaming again’; or ‘There’s the thought “nobody likes me”’; or ‘Look at how I run myself down before anyone else gets the opportunity.’ Like a spider on its web, Josh is aware of anything that lands in the silk-spun web of awareness. This gets Josh out of a reactive mode and into a receptive mode of meeting inner conflict. Once Josh allows depression to be present, instead of resenting or panicking in the presence of depression, he can live in peace with the fact that depression is present, without feeling a need to comment that it should be gone if it does not happen to be gone. Josh become aware that there was something within that is untouched by depression.

Josh has no further spiritual breakthroughs, but he still has many decades before him. While his depression has never cleared up entirely, his life definitely has more vitality and joy” (Martin Laird, A Sunlit Absence, p. 119-121).

Suggestions for Action

How is the week of contemplation going? How is Lent going for you? It is a hard discipline, with so many obstacles. Coming to oneness with God is moving against how we are indoctrinated from our birth. Individual autonomy and liberty is so important and forced down our throats, in the West particularly, that relying on God and finding oneness with God seems counterintuitive. So if you’re up against obstacles; take heart. Even if they are huge obstacles like depression or anxiety, Laird says that returning to practice is still our best way out.

In fact, struggle itself is part of our process. “For some reason we think that spiritual progress is marked by a lack of struggle in life… Spiritual progress is learning to confront struggle in a new way so that we don’t struggle with the fact that life is fraught with struggle. But the practice of contemplation will expose us to many things we would rather not see but need to see if we are going to grow. Even something as potentially debilitating as depression or obsessive-compulsive behavior finds healing salve in the practice of contemplation” (ibid., p. 133-134).

List your difficulties with this practice if you any. See if when you see them during your practice if you can refocus back on your breath and not extend the commentary. If you are doing this in your cell or household, see if talking about what you are facing will help you name it. Then return to your silence.

If you are struggling significantly, try talking to your pastor or a Circle Counselor.

Today’s Bible reading

“Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap. For it will come on all those who live on the face of the whole earth. Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.”—Luke 21:34-36

More thoughts for meditation

During Lent we will be learning from great practitioners and teachers of Christian contemplative practice. Their shared wisdom and encouragement will inspire our own practice. Our words for Lent are “We need to feel it.” — our hunger, our lack, our sin, yes, but also the love that casts out fear, the presence of eternity in our here and now and the forgiveness that transforms our lives and the whole world. Contemplative prayer is a powerful way to practice feeling it.

Martin Laird’s A Sunlit Absence is a companion book to Into The Silent Land (Pastors’ Goodreads review here and Daily Prayer entries on that text here). He is one of our aforementioned “great practitioner of Christian contemplation.”

On being bored with prayer: “Why is boredom such a testing ground? What does it tread so predictably—at least in some degree—on the heels of the dedicated person of prayer? Boredom is really a sign that the mind is beginning to assume, as it were, a posture of release and receptivity. Our thinking mind has a strong tendency to grasp, whether it is the grasp of comprehension or the grasping frenzy of mind-tripping. The thinking dimension of the mind needs to keep a tight grip on things. But when we move into the depths of prayer this grip has a way of becoming a pounding first in its demand to control and to understand. This fist of comprehension is gradually being softened and opened up during deep prayer, exposing a new depth of the mind, an engaged and receptive depth, that is deeper than what thinks, reacts, plots, and schemes. This depth of the mind is more like an open palm than a clenched fist. It does not grasp so much as release, receive, and let be. But because the thinking mind so dominates, there can be a bit of stiffness as it opens. This stiffness registers in the mind as boredom. With nothing for the grasping mind to do, it feels bored or even anxious.

What do we do in the presence of this boredom? Scratch our wrists. Sigh. Fidget. A story (difficult to source) is told of St. Teresa of Avila picking up her hourglass and shaking it in order to hurry it along. The saints and sages seem to know that it is important simply to sit still in the presence of boredom even if they are no good at doing it. Saint John of the Cross likens this to someone sitting for a portrait. It is important not to move. ‘If the model for the painting or retouching of a portrait should move because of a desire to something else, since it cannot do anything or think of anything in prayer, the artist would be unable to finish and the work would be spoiled.’ During this period of boredom in prayer, it is natural to try to get some sort of juice out of it, in the way of consoling feelings or inspiring insight. But it is of no use. This boredom is actually an indication that our prayer is going deeper than where our thoughts and feelings reach. Saint John of the Cross says that the more we try to prop ourselves up by thoughts and feelings ‘the more we will feel the lack of these, for this support cannot be supported through these sensory means.’ There is plenty of support from God who is the loving ground of our being, from whom nothing can separate us (Rom 8:35-38). But it is not accessible to the senses just now in the way that birdsong is or the smell of our burning supper.” (Martin Laird, A Sunlit Absence, p. 102-104.).

Suggestions for Action

“Spiritual boredom is an initiation into the desert and the making of any contemplative. As we journey deeper into this desert, we grow accustomed to the barrenness, and actually come to prefer it, though we might not realize this until we return to the hum of urban neon in our heads. Boredom heals by diminishing our reliable on this spiritual glitz that keeps us preoccupied with how our prayer is progressing” (ibid., 108-109)

Laird tells us that when we are bored in prayer, we might be ready for something new and something deeper. In one case, a woman who had developed a more content-filled prayer discipline needed to move toward contemplation in order to overcome her boredom. In another, contemplation was the starting point for overcoming boredom. Maybe it is the same for you.

Journal about whether you are bored in prayer, or bored in general. Ask God to liberate you from your boredom, but in fact, stay with your practice of prayer, and return to it. See your boredom simply as a result of our over-stimulation and your need for more of it, intellectual, emotional, and otherwise.

Find comfort in these words from Laird, once more, “It is crucial not to get caught up in the story we tell ourselves about the boredom, about how inadequate our prayer feels… On a practical level, it is important that we simply return to our practice” (ibid., 108).

So do so again today, return to your practice. Contemplate using your word and your breath. Doing so in a group can be helpful, especially if you have a chance to speak to one another afterward about your experience, especially, perhaps, your experience of boredom.