While watching Big Fish (Encore on Demand) the other night I got a lot of Vince Offer.  Best infomercialist in 10yrs.

Sham Wow!

“It’s like a towel or a sponge.”  “…the Germans always make good stuff.”

Slap Chop

“Guys, we’re gonna make America skinny again, one slap at a time.”  “Tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini.”

Vince revives my boyhood dream of being “an inventor.”  I think if he would sell my inventions, I would be rich.  They don’t even need to be that good.

My inventions (still in the idea phase, mostly):

Ultrafork: The serrated fork: It’s like a fork, only the bottom prong has a serrated edge to cut.  “No more knives, no more knives.”  Also comes in left-handed model.

Toi-top: the toilet table for your laptop. It’s like a TV dinner table, only for other stuff.

Neck Mirror: It’s the mirror that shows you the back of your neck. Ever try to cut your own hair?  Can’t see the back of your head, can you?  With Neck Mirror, the mirror mounts on the patented dual-swivel harness so you can see.

The Exer-Vision!!: Watch Lost, lose weight. It’s a treadmill that you can run on (or hookup your bike to) so that the powerstrip for your TV/DVD, etc is powered by exercise only.

9 thoughts on “SHAM WOW! vs. SLAP CHOP

  1. You could probably sell tens of thousands of any one of those inventions. You should talk to skymall. Ultrafork is my personal favorite.

  2. ok, the slap chop rap is awesome! and your invention ideas are so good! i don’t think i would be advertising them so blatantly on the inter webs if i were you!!

  3. dude. the exer-vision combines probably the two biggest fads of our time (going green, and weight loss). its worth millions.

  4. you are a genius! each one of these ideas will make you millions. also thank you for considering the lefties of the world with ultrafork. a lot of time no one thinks of us.

    • ha! love the lefties. i have a feeling that some of these ideas were already “stolen”. i have no idea how to actualize any of them, anyway.

      slap chop rap is awesome. the mushrooms.

  5. Yeah if you could get Vince to sell your products, they could be great. I mean who wouldn’t want to buy super absorbent towels after he is done describing them?

  6. i love the ultrafork idea. u better have patented that already cuz i’m gonna call them right now. lol
    but if you were actually serious, you might want to consider people eating with the ultrafork and slicing the side of their mouth open, among other possibilities

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