While watching Big Fish (Encore on Demand) the other night I got a lot of Vince Offer.  Best infomercialist in 10yrs.

Sham Wow!

“It’s like a towel or a sponge.”  “…the Germans always make good stuff.”

Slap Chop

“Guys, we’re gonna make America skinny again, one slap at a time.”  “Tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini.”

Vince revives my boyhood dream of being “an inventor.”  I think if he would sell my inventions, I would be rich.  They don’t even need to be that good.

My inventions (still in the idea phase, mostly):

Ultrafork: The serrated fork: It’s like a fork, only the bottom prong has a serrated edge to cut.  “No more knives, no more knives.”  Also comes in left-handed model.

Toi-top: the toilet table for your laptop. It’s like a TV dinner table, only for other stuff.

Neck Mirror: It’s the mirror that shows you the back of your neck. Ever try to cut your own hair?  Can’t see the back of your head, can you?  With Neck Mirror, the mirror mounts on the patented dual-swivel harness so you can see.

The Exer-Vision!!: Watch Lost, lose weight. It’s a treadmill that you can run on (or hookup your bike to) so that the powerstrip for your TV/DVD, etc is powered by exercise only.